'Broke'

“I am broke.”; “ I can’t afford this.”; “I won’t purchase this item.” I have heard myself pronounce these lines since March of 2020. Before Covid, I had said stuff like that, but it sure didn’t mean the same for me then; the past year has taught me what feeling and being broke truly meant, and what it felt like not having the liberty to buy the things I wanted, things, I once thought were necessary.

Truthfully, living on a tight budget for the past 15 months has been a conscious decision and I own up to it; yes, Covid made me lose my job but after a while I could have decided to return into the workforce, I chose not to; I chose to stay in a financial discomfort in order to create myself a future that was in alignment with all the great things I discovered about life, and myself during the pandemic.

Even though it was my decision, it was not an easy one and it made me understand various aspects of life and society. I have experienced feelings I had never felt before, been through countless financial puzzles, had to develop new skills, and also reorganize my ‘priorities’. I believe I have evolved as an individual, and that a part of my identity has shifted as well.

I came to the realization that switching from having 2-3 jobs at once and being referred as an ‘on-the-go hard worker’ to becoming dependent to Employment Insurance was incredibly challenging. I, at times, felt ashamed of my situation and had to learn how to accept that I was utilizing this precious gift of time in order to be of better service to society in a near future.

The struggle I have put myself through came along with powerful and valuable lessons; I redefined my own definitions of needing and wanting, I stopped taking anything for granted, and felt blessed each time a gesture of pure generosity was willingly offered to me. I have been surrounded by abundance and support, and I could not be more thankful for it.

The last year was dedicated to living; I am pleased to say that I discovered that my life, didn’t need a full-time job in order to be complete and meaningful. As surprising as it may sound, I have been incredibly busy, filling my days with education, self-development, and ‘distanced’ human connections. I managed to let go of old ways that weren’t attuned with me anymore, in order to create a strong, me-like, present and future.

Being now able to understand this reality makes me want to remind you that a human’s worth should not grow bigger as their bank account does. Please do not feel ashamed to say yes when gifts are offered to you, and to accepted help when needed.

It is time for me to discover a new version of earning a living; I feel ready, and a beautiful new adventure awaits.

A special thanks to my people,

Ashley, xx